Dear {{first_name | friend}},
I bet you're the one who does it all. You handle it, whatever it is. You plan things, fix things, attend to things, including the feelings and well-being of everyone around you. People praise you for how much you do, and you've always taken pride in your bandwidth.
I call this Superwoman Syndrome. You've mastered non-stop doing and you do it brilliantly. Smart, ambitious, caring, conscientious. A baddie problem solver. But when you do it on autopilot, at the expense of your own well-being, it's called over-functioning. It's a protective mechanism.
This adaptation shows up in three forms. On the surface they look like virtues. Once you see what they're protecting, you'll know you deserve a new relationship with them.
The fixer. That's you jumping in before anyone even asks. Someone has a problem and you've already solved it, or you're carrying it, or you're up at 2am running it. You take over the hard thing, because if you don't, who will? You manage the whole room, the moods, the logistics, the feelings nobody handed you, and you call it being responsible. Underneath it is an old deal you made without knowing you made it: you're safe as long as you're needed. Being needed isn't the same as being seen. It just feels close enough, and it keeps you in control.
The fawner. That's you reading the room and softening to fit it. You say yes when you mean no. You agree, you smooth, you make yourself easy, you manage how everyone feels about you before you've even checked how you feel. Fawning isn't weakness, by the way. It's your nervous system choosing connection over conflict, because once, connection was survival.
The flaunter. That's the one I get a kick out of, because the second I say it out loud, most people go "no way, not me, I don't flaunt myself. Eek." But all that achievement? Grinding for straight A's and being the teacher's pet. Working a million hours like it's a badge of honor. Wearing yourself out in self-sacrifice, feeling good off how amazing everyone says you are for doing it all, while you burn out underneath. That's the flaunter. Don't be embarrassed if it's you.
Don't be embarrassed if you relate. That’s why we are here! To see these patterns clearly so that we can loosen their hold on us.
They may look different, but they’re all trauma responses. The fixer takes on the problem, the fawner takes the blame, and the flaunter takes the applause which proves just how good she is. Underneath all three is your body doing one thing: earning the safety and approval it decided a long time ago that it would always have to earn.
It's not a good trade. You may think it is because you don't know any better. I do. I spent years proving myself and it cost me dearly. I don't do it anymore, because I don't need to. And I'm as ambitious as ever, so please don't hear me telling you to want less.
My ambition just runs on something completely different now.
It took me decades to absorb this. It was never an effort problem. My nervous system had been in overdrive so long it forgot how to come down - and my belief system kept whispering “not enough. Not yet.” I bet yours has too.
@heartstate_with_andrea I'm not trying to call you out. I'm trying to call you in. Because if working harder was really the answer, you'd feel better by now. This... See more
HEARTSTATE MASTERY WITH ANDREA
This is the work I do 1:1 inside HeartState Mastery. Eleven sessions to rewire your nervous system and your belief system, so you stop proving and finally come home to yourself.
The bottleneck is me. When these two seats fill, the only way in is the waitlist, and it already has names on it. I won't chase you, and I won't discount it. If you saw yourself anywhere up there, raise your hand before the door closes.
You can't think your way out.
These patterns don't live in your head. They live in your body. You can understand one completely and still run it every single day, because insight happens in your mind and the pattern lives in your body. Knowing better is not the same as feeling safe. Your nervous system doesn't shift when you finally understand it. It shifts when it finally feels different.
I know, because I tried to think my way out for years. I read everything. I understood everything. I could explain the psychology of self-abandonment and then abandon myself in the very next conversation.
Here's the good news.
Underneath all your proving and performing and fixing, there's a version of you who was here before any of it started. The one who was joyful and free. The one who never once questioned whether she was enough. She's still in there, and I want you to reclaim her. Because when you do, it changes the game. Not marginally. Not a little bit. More like, well, orgasmically. Yes, it's THAT big.
And you can actually reach her. You can learn to rewire your nervous system and your belief system, so you quit giving yourself away. Quit fawning. Quit ingratiating yourself. Quit shrinking. Quit over-explaining. Quit all those insidious little ways you self-abandon, the ones so common you stopped noticing them. That's the whole reason I built HeartState: to get you safe and relaxed in your body and connected to your truth, so you finally come home to yourself and love your life.
@heartstate_with_andrea Fortunately, you can learn to rewire your nervous system and your belief system so you can quit giving yourself away. - Quit fawning. - Qu... See more
NOT READY TO WORK 1:1?
Start smaller. The Anti-Hustle HeartState Activation is a recording you can do tonight. It walks you through the practice I use to pull my own nervous system out of overdrive.
Radiating with you, 🤍 Andrea
HeartState is your core emotional and energetic state. How you feel and what you radiate, from the inside out. It is your vibe. It can't be performed but it can be tuned, and that's everything.
It's how safe and relaxed you are in your body, and how connected you are to your truth. Not your mood. Your baseline.
HeartState is how you come home to yourself.